I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
