just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
that is very illegal...i love you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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