he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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