I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
