Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Found the puke drawer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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