We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
