I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
