im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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