You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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