So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
A+ Viking dick
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