Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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