So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
