Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
