she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
