I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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