I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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