She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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