Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
