ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize