32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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