So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
