and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
