help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
