I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
