she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
