the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
