You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
