I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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