If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
