I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My breasts were aching with rage.
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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