3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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