i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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