no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
