i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Of course I have a pirate flag
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
