Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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