she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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