How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
