and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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