come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Still dying that you shit outside
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
