My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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