Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
