I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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