have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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