I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
