so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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