I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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