Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
