Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
