I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
