May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
