just come out here and I will go home with you...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
