it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
