how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
