my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
