He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
