This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
