she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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