Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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