wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
